Chapter FIFTEEN: Just dropped to 5%

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WB5BlYsn6nk

The photo that changed my entire outlook on my journey...

Several months ago, a client of mine told me that she had planned on delivering her baby by herself. I couldn't get my head wrapped around that idea and told her that if she needed anything I would be there for her. She then asked me if I would be interested in being her birth coach! It was a shock to me and I had a ton of different thoughts and emotions. Later that night, I thought to myself, "Man, what a cruel joke that God is playing with me". Why would he put me in a situation that for so long I wanted to be in myself? I even laughed with friends about it to lighten the thought. Around the same time, another friend had just delivered her baby as well.
But then I thought what an amazing opportunity... I can watch as life is being welcomed into the world. I can be there for someone who I care about and do what I do best, just be a friend. We jotted down some dates and I was able to go with her to her gender appointment! ITS A GIRL! I was soooooooo excited for her! I thought about everything for months and about this sweet baby girl that would soon be here. And then on Monday, October 23rd 2017, I got the call saying that she thinks her water may have broken. I was excited and nervous! I met her at the airfield and then we went straight to Tripler, our Army Medical Center. We got to the hospital and things started slow at first. They didn't have a room and then finally we made it into triage. Once we got in the fun began! She was admitted into labor and delivery and we had a massive room. We joked around and talked a lot with the nurses and midwives about our expectations etc. I rememberer that surreal moment when we walked into the room for the first time and all of the baby equipment were already set up. Where she would be measured and weighed, where she would stay warm under the lights... That was the first time that percent dropped... haha So, lets rewind. I always joke with my friends and say that I am 99% content on not continuing our fertility treatments and I have accepted we are, Waite, Party of 3... From time to time, like at my friend Deanna's high tea baby shower, I joked and said my % had dropped to 70%. Anytime I see something baby cute related I jokingly say it drops.
In that moment, as we walked in that labor and delivery room for the first time, my % dropped. Haha Prob to about 50%... It was a very surreal moment that I felt so blessed to be there for. As the day turned into night, we relaxed listening to the thunderstorm (we never see lightening or hear thunder in HI so it was really nice) and then she finally decided on an epidural. For hours she tried to talk me into going to get some dinner so that I wouldn't be hungry throughout the night. I didn't want to leave her so I just waited. Finally, after they checked her and it seemed like it was going to be a while she sent me to get myself and her a sub and cookies from Subway inside the hospital. I ran down, grabbed the subs, I even forgot my chips in a rush haha, and then called my husband to make sure he had picked our little boy up from our friends and that they were settling. I told him that I would be staying the night and I cut it short. Then I ran back up stairs. When I got back to the 6th floor, which is the labor and delivery unit, I ran into the nurse anesthetist who had given my friend her epidural and she said, "Have you heard the news". I am sure I probably turned white as a sheet because my first thought was that she had the baby without me! haha But she said that she was pushing!. I ran to the room, threw the subs down and morphed into "Baby Daddy". They were talking to her and I was there for her and talking to her. She pushed three times and I seen the most amazing thing I had ever seen. This beautiful, baby girl took her first breath and then when I didn't think it could get any better she shared with us how strong her lung were. I couldn't hold back the tears. What a night! I was taking pictures and loving baby and momma and just soaking up the moment. At that moment, I was reminded how incredibly strong we as women are. And how incredibly special we are for God to choose us to deliver and raise these amazing lives. I was so happy for my friend and I know you are wondering, emotionally how did I feel? And to answer you honestly, I never for one second put myself in that situation to be sad or depressed. Everyone knows I am not that person. I don't get sad when I see babies or pregnant women etc. When I seen that momma and her baby girl, I had nothing but joy for them. It wasn't until the next day when I got home from an exhausting night in the hospital that I reflected. I ran home from the overnight stay to grab Kol from school and then to hurry and decorate for my cub scouts halloween party. My bestie called later after the party and checked on me. My friend that had delivered the baby had also sent me some pictures and a video to my phone that I didn't know she took. It was when I was holding the baby, just rocking her and humming. Closing my eyes because they burned from crying and honestly just soaking up the moment. When I seen those pictures and video, WOW, my percent went down to maybe 5%! It opened my eyes that seeing myself with that sweet baby girl, in all her glory made my ovaries hurt for the first time in a LONG time. This October 31st, will mark a year since our last fertility treatment failed. This month would've also been our baby that I miscarrieds' first birthday. Maybe all of these things have opened my eyes to just take one day at a time and enjoy our journey. Who knows what God has in store for me but I do know this. I am incredibly happy with the life he has given me. Would I be happy with another sweet baby, absolutely, but I have to have peace and be grateful with what all I have been blessed with. Maybe I was put on this earth to support others and have beautiful passions or maybe its just not my time yet... I guess we will have to wait and see...